The Very First Post

Well readers,

As you can guess by the title, I’m an "Insane Teenager" and I’m a girl. I apologize for any misspellings; I’m not the best speller. I started this blog because my friend used hers to reach out to me when I felt like ending my life on this earth. She’s a great friend and I love her dearly. I am a self-diagnosed bi-polar / insomnia ridden / suicidal love addict. I’ll be straight forward, I probably won’t be consistent with my posts, but I’ll try. So how about we start with a bit of background shall we?

Where to start?

well my biological father, or bio-dad as I refer to him some times (or sperm donor, but you'll understand that in a little bit) was never really around, I still wonder today if he loves me, or ever loved me for that matter. I’m also not his first or only child. Here comes the sperm donor explanation. All together my father has contributed to making six kids, my twin older sisters, my older brother, me, my younger brother and my younger sister. my older sisters are about a year, give or take a few months, older than me, my older brother is four months older than me, and the younger ones, I’m not even sure because I never really got to see them much. I’m a bad big sister, I forgot their birthdays. Then again I never really knew their birthdays. Anyways, that’s just on my father’s side. I have three more siblings on my mother’s side, a younger sister and two younger brothers. I have no full siblings; they are all half-siblings. My bio-dad is married now, and my mom has been married for ten years now, going on eleven. I’ve never accepted my stepfather as my dad. Honestly I don’t know if I ever will. I feel guilty because I constantly throw that back in his face, that he’s not my dad. But sometimes I don’t regret it later. My mom’s really sick right now, and just came home from the hospital. I won’t give you details thought. I’m also hiding a big secret from my parents. Anyways, more about me. I love to sing, write poetry and stories, and draw. Music is my life. I used to play cello but I gave that up. I want to play guitar but no one will teach me how. I have a boyfriend that I love with all my heart. However sometimes I wonder if he really loves me or not. I’ve been hurt so many times before that I have ALOT of trust issues. Well I think that’s all I’ll post for the first entry. Stay tuned for more..? Oh who am I kidding I doubt anyone will read this...

Bree-Bear